he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
