I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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