I want to stick my p in your. b.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
