I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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