ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
