theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
