Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
