You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
