We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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