you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
