I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
