New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
