i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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