It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
