We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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