I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
