Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
