isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
