Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
