it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
