I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
