My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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