Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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