the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
