thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
