I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
