My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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