Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
