No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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