Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
