Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
