i think my tv is drunk
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What a dumb baby whore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
