i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
