We're like a lot better than the average bears
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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