i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
