There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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