rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
