Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
