Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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