Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
