Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
