Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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