Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
