What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
