Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
