cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
