she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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