I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
