Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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