I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am one with the molecules
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
