There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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