btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
