My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
