Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
